Friday, December 21, 2012
Melting Heart
Went to hobby lobby to buy my wrapping paper like I do every year and seen this...then lost it. Such a strong connection between this scripture and Braeden and Chloe to me. Had to leave the store crying, trying to hold it together and I didn't even get the stuff I needed :-/ GEEZ!
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Inspiration
I guess the past year is pretty well summed up by saying we are more than blessed. We have trusted God to move us where we need to be moved in EVERY area of our lives and He has been faithful to not only provide but bless us more than we could've imagined. No, I don't mean in money or things. I mean love, happiness and a peace inside that's indescribable. We let Braeden spend an amazing summer in the islands & jungle of Panama where he taught VBS and did phenomenal things for God even though we missed him like crazy! He has been such an inspiration to us. He had me doing the paperwork for his next mission trip while he was in the hospital recovering from being sick right after he got home from Panama. Braeden will go to Baja, Mexico this December on a short trip to help build homes for needy families. A friend of ours shared a verse from Isaiah with us when she came to visit him in the hospital that says "a small child will lead them"...and wow, is he ever! I am humbled by the way Braeden let's God lead & direct his ways and super excited about the artistic work he's doing on his hats and shirts he's designing to benefit missions. God has brought us full circle back to where we were 15 years ago and we are letting Him use us this time around. We've learned that God will remove you from somewhere in order to teach you, so that he can put you back where you were to use you. It's a great feeling when you know you are right where God wants you!
Monday, June 18, 2012
Missing Braeden
It's only been one week since he left for his one month mission trip to the Darien Jungle and San Blas Islands of Panama in Central America and I am missing him like crazy. The first couple days all I could do was cry but now I find myself in a constant state of worship and praise to our Heavenly Father for entrusting me as a parent with such an incredible child. It seems like every time I turn around here lately I am being reminded what an honor it is to mother my children. A couple weeks ago while doing my homework for a Beth Moore Bible study that I was doing I came across scriptures that I felt like were words I would have written about Braeden and Chloe...
1 Samuel 1:27-28
New International Version (NIV)
27 I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.
After losing the first baby...before Braeden came along, I prayed diligently for a son, (and just to be completely humanly honest...a son with straight hair) ;) God granted Chad and I our son so since he was a whole 7 days old he has found his place beside us at church listening to God's Word, never fussing or fidgeting, just listening intently as he drew in his notebook while Chad took notes in his. From the time he was born of course we knew that he was ultimately God's child that He had simply entrusted us to look after, so Braeden has always been His. But, not until June 11 did I not only spiritually but also physically give Braeden's life over to the Lord. This hit me like a ton of bricks as we drove away without him. You can't imagine the pride we feel knowing that where ever Braeden goes throughout his life He will worship the Lord.
After losing the first baby...before Braeden came along, I prayed diligently for a son, (and just to be completely humanly honest...a son with straight hair) ;) God granted Chad and I our son so since he was a whole 7 days old he has found his place beside us at church listening to God's Word, never fussing or fidgeting, just listening intently as he drew in his notebook while Chad took notes in his. From the time he was born of course we knew that he was ultimately God's child that He had simply entrusted us to look after, so Braeden has always been His. But, not until June 11 did I not only spiritually but also physically give Braeden's life over to the Lord. This hit me like a ton of bricks as we drove away without him. You can't imagine the pride we feel knowing that where ever Braeden goes throughout his life He will worship the Lord.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Today is a brand new day!
Deep breath....ok, Thank you Lord for this day. It is a drastically different day than yesterday and the day before that. So much has changed in the past couple weeks. Chad has made the transition from his old job to the new one and is off and running...literally. As I type he's on the road to Elk City, OK to visit a customer and drop off some tools they ordered.
I could see a change in Chad lately, he was becoming more and more withdrawn. You could see his heart and mind were both working over time. I would try to talk to him and find out what was going on and he would just say "nothing" and go about what ever he was doing. Finally, his mood just seemed to snowball to the point where even the kids could tell their Daddy was struggling with something. Even when he was asleep he wasn't getting to rest. A few nights ago he scared me terribly when I woke up to him screaming in his sleep. He was having nightmare of arguing with someone, he couldn't see who, inside the fellowship hall of our church and he was scared.
Tuesday, Valentines day was the first day of his new semester of school and he was contemplating not going back. The kids and I both urged and convinced him otherwise, thank goodness. All of the signs of Chad being attacked spiritually just kept coming up. Our district youth rally was going to be held at our church Saturday evening and as Chad prepared for it you could see he was not feeling it one bit. When Saturday came and the rain began it made the situation even worse and I tried to talk to Chad again and he finally looked at me and said "I'm miserable and I don't know why." Ughhh, that broke my heart. I was thinking why? Why now? Everything was going so good in every aspect of our lives. He didn't want to go to the youth rally, he said he didn't even feel like getting up to go to church on Sunday morning. Despite not wanting to go to either, I coerced him to attend both.
Sunday morning was so difficult because he was in a hateful mood, I silently continued to pray for him, his heart and his mind. I prayed that God would reach down and wrap him in His arms and His spirit would take over every part of him. Once Sunday school began I asked for prayer again for Chad and the ladies all lifted Chad in their prayers as well. Once church began, Chad sat quietly and didn't even lift a hymnal which was very unlike him. During the time of prayer and invitation Chad went forward to pray at the alter followed by a stream of his youth group that came to pray around him as he cried sitting there. Throughout the afternoon I continued to pray for him, that something, somehow would break his mood and turn it around.
At 3:30 we loaded the 4 kids we had this weekend up to go back to church for the afternoon Bible study. Chad went with the youth back to his class and I went into the sanctuary with mine. Several people mentioned they would be praying for Chad since seeing him so broken that morning. Once classes were finished Bro. John pulled Chad aside and spoke to him a little and encouraged him to take a little break and not be so hard on himself. He explained that Chad was doing a wonderful job and that he was definitely under a spiritual attack and that wasn't such a strange thing seeing how Chad was trying to do as much as he could for God and His kingdom.
The night went on and kids were taken home, ours tucked in their beds and Chad got his books for school out. There were two books and he was to read to first two chapters in each book. Most of the time Chad and I will sit down and I will read to him. We started reading and both of us were in tears in no time. Praise God, the book we had picked to start reading first was pointing out the steps and phases in which spiritual leaders go through as God prepares them for Christian ministry leadership. The Making Of A Leader by Dr. J. Robert Clinton. As we read, it became so clear that God was speaking to Chad and explaining to him why he was feeling the way he did and why he was encountering each of the struggles he had in the past couple weeks. It took about an hour to get through the two chapters as we stopped to cry and wipe each others tears away every couple pages.
In the first chapter one part hit Chad really hard, it was definitely comparable to the things Chad had been struggling with:
In the long haul, God is preparing you for convergence. He is conforming you to the image of Christ (Romans 8:28-29), and He is giving you training and experience so that your gifts may be discovered. His goal is a Sprit-filled leader through whom the living Christ ministers, utilizing the leader's spiritual gifts. The fruit of the spirit is the mark of the mature Christian. The gifts of the spirit are the mark of a leader being used of God. God wants that balance. His approach is to work in you, and then through you.
During all the development phases God processes a person by bringing activities, people, problems-you name it- into his or her life. We call these process items. God's ultimate purposes for these process items I have explained above. In studying people's lives, we have been able to identify and label some of the process items. One is an integrity check. Usually this occurs in the Inner life growth phase and in early part of the ministry phase. I sense that your Hong Kong internship is an integrity check. A successful integrity check results in a stronger leader able to serve God in a wider sphere of influence.
An integrity check tests inner character for consistency. Will you follow through on your commitment? Perhaps God is using your time in Hong Kong to let you see if you will persist in your desire to minister to the Chinese. It is one thing to make a decision in the heat of the moment (or quietness as the case may be). It is quite another to serve for a lifetime. Perhaps what God is saying to you through this experience is the message of Jeremiah 12:5: "If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?"
Chad had been so on fire for doing everything he could to reach out and grow his youth group for God but it was obvious God has been making sure Chad could handle the ones he has already entrusted to Chad before he adds anymore to his class. This is also another part of Chapter 1 that seemed to touch Chad's heart and help give him understanding:
1. He brought me here. It's by His will I am in the straight place. In that fact I will rest.
2. He will keep me here in His love and give me grace to behave as His child.
3. Then He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends for
me to learn.
4. In His good time, He will bring me out again-how and when He knows.
So let me say: I am (a) Here by God's appointment. (b) In His keeping.
(c) Under His training. (d) For His time.
In chapter 2 we came across these couple paragraphs that also answered many questions Chad had been having:
In Phase I, God is developing the leader by laying foundations in his life. This operation is sovereign. The potential leader has little control over what happens in this phase. His primary lesson is to learn to respond positively and take advantage of what God has laid in these foundations. There was little significant spiritual input in the lives of our three case studies during their foundational phases, yet we can see that God was sovereignly directing each life.
The next phase an emerging leader enters is one in which he or she seeks to know God in a more personal, intimate way. This period is defined as Phase II, the Inner Life Growth Phase. The leader learns the importance of praying and hearing God. As he grows in discernment, understanding, and obedience, he is put to the test. These early tests are crucial experiences that God uses to prepare the leader for the next steps in leadership. The growing leader invariably gets involved in some form of ministry. In this context of learning by doing, he gains new inner-life lessons.
In this phase, leadership potential is identified and God uses testing experiences to develop character. A proper, godly response allows a leader to learn the fundamental lessons God wants to teach. If the person doesn't learn, he will usually be tested again in the same areas. A proper response will result in an expanding ministry and greater responsibility.
In my Sunday school class we have been learning about the attributes of God and one that Mrs. Mary Lou shared with us was how He hears and communicates with us. Yesterday God heard the many prayers lifted up for Chad and He seen fit to answer them almost immediately.
But verily God hath heard me; he hath attended to the voice of my prayer. ~Psalm 66:19
Thank you Lord, today is a brand new day! These answers did not fix Chad's concerns but they did however bring an understanding and a peace to his heart and his mind so today his smile has returned. :)
Beloved, do not think it is strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. ~1 Peter 4:12
I could see a change in Chad lately, he was becoming more and more withdrawn. You could see his heart and mind were both working over time. I would try to talk to him and find out what was going on and he would just say "nothing" and go about what ever he was doing. Finally, his mood just seemed to snowball to the point where even the kids could tell their Daddy was struggling with something. Even when he was asleep he wasn't getting to rest. A few nights ago he scared me terribly when I woke up to him screaming in his sleep. He was having nightmare of arguing with someone, he couldn't see who, inside the fellowship hall of our church and he was scared.
Tuesday, Valentines day was the first day of his new semester of school and he was contemplating not going back. The kids and I both urged and convinced him otherwise, thank goodness. All of the signs of Chad being attacked spiritually just kept coming up. Our district youth rally was going to be held at our church Saturday evening and as Chad prepared for it you could see he was not feeling it one bit. When Saturday came and the rain began it made the situation even worse and I tried to talk to Chad again and he finally looked at me and said "I'm miserable and I don't know why." Ughhh, that broke my heart. I was thinking why? Why now? Everything was going so good in every aspect of our lives. He didn't want to go to the youth rally, he said he didn't even feel like getting up to go to church on Sunday morning. Despite not wanting to go to either, I coerced him to attend both.
Sunday morning was so difficult because he was in a hateful mood, I silently continued to pray for him, his heart and his mind. I prayed that God would reach down and wrap him in His arms and His spirit would take over every part of him. Once Sunday school began I asked for prayer again for Chad and the ladies all lifted Chad in their prayers as well. Once church began, Chad sat quietly and didn't even lift a hymnal which was very unlike him. During the time of prayer and invitation Chad went forward to pray at the alter followed by a stream of his youth group that came to pray around him as he cried sitting there. Throughout the afternoon I continued to pray for him, that something, somehow would break his mood and turn it around.
At 3:30 we loaded the 4 kids we had this weekend up to go back to church for the afternoon Bible study. Chad went with the youth back to his class and I went into the sanctuary with mine. Several people mentioned they would be praying for Chad since seeing him so broken that morning. Once classes were finished Bro. John pulled Chad aside and spoke to him a little and encouraged him to take a little break and not be so hard on himself. He explained that Chad was doing a wonderful job and that he was definitely under a spiritual attack and that wasn't such a strange thing seeing how Chad was trying to do as much as he could for God and His kingdom.
The night went on and kids were taken home, ours tucked in their beds and Chad got his books for school out. There were two books and he was to read to first two chapters in each book. Most of the time Chad and I will sit down and I will read to him. We started reading and both of us were in tears in no time. Praise God, the book we had picked to start reading first was pointing out the steps and phases in which spiritual leaders go through as God prepares them for Christian ministry leadership. The Making Of A Leader by Dr. J. Robert Clinton. As we read, it became so clear that God was speaking to Chad and explaining to him why he was feeling the way he did and why he was encountering each of the struggles he had in the past couple weeks. It took about an hour to get through the two chapters as we stopped to cry and wipe each others tears away every couple pages.
In the first chapter one part hit Chad really hard, it was definitely comparable to the things Chad had been struggling with:
In the long haul, God is preparing you for convergence. He is conforming you to the image of Christ (Romans 8:28-29), and He is giving you training and experience so that your gifts may be discovered. His goal is a Sprit-filled leader through whom the living Christ ministers, utilizing the leader's spiritual gifts. The fruit of the spirit is the mark of the mature Christian. The gifts of the spirit are the mark of a leader being used of God. God wants that balance. His approach is to work in you, and then through you.
During all the development phases God processes a person by bringing activities, people, problems-you name it- into his or her life. We call these process items. God's ultimate purposes for these process items I have explained above. In studying people's lives, we have been able to identify and label some of the process items. One is an integrity check. Usually this occurs in the Inner life growth phase and in early part of the ministry phase. I sense that your Hong Kong internship is an integrity check. A successful integrity check results in a stronger leader able to serve God in a wider sphere of influence.
An integrity check tests inner character for consistency. Will you follow through on your commitment? Perhaps God is using your time in Hong Kong to let you see if you will persist in your desire to minister to the Chinese. It is one thing to make a decision in the heat of the moment (or quietness as the case may be). It is quite another to serve for a lifetime. Perhaps what God is saying to you through this experience is the message of Jeremiah 12:5: "If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?"
Chad had been so on fire for doing everything he could to reach out and grow his youth group for God but it was obvious God has been making sure Chad could handle the ones he has already entrusted to Chad before he adds anymore to his class. This is also another part of Chapter 1 that seemed to touch Chad's heart and help give him understanding:
1. He brought me here. It's by His will I am in the straight place. In that fact I will rest.
2. He will keep me here in His love and give me grace to behave as His child.
3. Then He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends for
me to learn.
4. In His good time, He will bring me out again-how and when He knows.
So let me say: I am (a) Here by God's appointment. (b) In His keeping.
(c) Under His training. (d) For His time.
In chapter 2 we came across these couple paragraphs that also answered many questions Chad had been having:
In Phase I, God is developing the leader by laying foundations in his life. This operation is sovereign. The potential leader has little control over what happens in this phase. His primary lesson is to learn to respond positively and take advantage of what God has laid in these foundations. There was little significant spiritual input in the lives of our three case studies during their foundational phases, yet we can see that God was sovereignly directing each life.
The next phase an emerging leader enters is one in which he or she seeks to know God in a more personal, intimate way. This period is defined as Phase II, the Inner Life Growth Phase. The leader learns the importance of praying and hearing God. As he grows in discernment, understanding, and obedience, he is put to the test. These early tests are crucial experiences that God uses to prepare the leader for the next steps in leadership. The growing leader invariably gets involved in some form of ministry. In this context of learning by doing, he gains new inner-life lessons.
In this phase, leadership potential is identified and God uses testing experiences to develop character. A proper, godly response allows a leader to learn the fundamental lessons God wants to teach. If the person doesn't learn, he will usually be tested again in the same areas. A proper response will result in an expanding ministry and greater responsibility.
In my Sunday school class we have been learning about the attributes of God and one that Mrs. Mary Lou shared with us was how He hears and communicates with us. Yesterday God heard the many prayers lifted up for Chad and He seen fit to answer them almost immediately.
But verily God hath heard me; he hath attended to the voice of my prayer. ~Psalm 66:19
Thank you Lord, today is a brand new day! These answers did not fix Chad's concerns but they did however bring an understanding and a peace to his heart and his mind so today his smile has returned. :)
Beloved, do not think it is strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. ~1 Peter 4:12
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