I'm pretty sure most parents, if they're being honest will admit that more than once they've thought they were complete failures as far as parenting goes. This has crossed my mind more than once when one of my kids have made a less than desirable decision in their actions. I have cringed when learning of things they've said to a friend or even a so called "enemy" out on the playground and thought to myself why on earth haven't I talked to them about not doing this or that. I must be a horrible parent.
Back in January, Chad and I were asked to help teach a life group at our church on...(insert drum roll here)...parenting. As we prepared and prayed for the upcoming 6 weeks of classes we were more than encouraged. I learned that my husband is an amazing gift of a father to Braeden and Chloe. He doesn't set unreachable standards in academics or sports. He's not too harsh on them but he always follows through with appropriate punishment when punishment is required. In our house since Braeden was born and old enough to understand the word no, it is understood that if you do something you're not supposed to, there will be consequences. Now that they will soon turn 15 and 11, rarely do we have to dish out punishment. However, we are aware that we're coming into uncharted territory soon with having (gasp) 2 teenagers in our home.
We have all heard people say, "Don't be their friend, be their parent." Personally, when I hear that I feel sick to my stomach because I couldn't disagree more. Here's a revelation! Why can't we be both? When you think about it, who is it that your children confide in and usually know more about what is going on with their lives than anyone else? Their friends! When they are little let them learn that they can trust you to always be there for them and that you aren't going to flip off the deep end each time you learn of something they've done that is less than perfect. If punishment is needed, so be it. Get through the punishment and then use that opportunity to show them grace and love by explaining a time when you were younger and more than likely made the same mistake. Explain to them how you were able to overcome it and how no matter the offense you could never love them any less.
More importantly, pray with them about the situation and make sure that they know you not only forgive them but, their Heavenly Father who loves them even more than we ever can, forgives them as well. This isn't a once and done type deal here. It has to be an every offense situation. Over time, I truly believe that you will become your kids' best friend. They will know without a doubt that they can come to you with any problem they may face because you aren't just the parent there to dish out only lectures and punishment. On the contrary, you are their friend who is there to help them and guide them through the same mistakes you've made. I am so thankful that we have this relationship with both Braeden and Chloe. I pray it will continue through the upcoming teenage years until long after they've left our home and have families of their own. I don't think it is ever too late to start this habit with your children even if they are in their teenage years already. Friendship and trust have to begin somewhere.
Chad and I finished up only our second lesson last night on parenting and I was again racking my brain, questioning myself. Do we do this or that? Do we do enough as a parents for Braeden and Chloe? Chad and I were both unexpectedly met with an answer this morning on a post it notes left for each of us by Chloe.
The answer was yes, yes we are doing alright as parents. The fact that she acknowledges and appreciates the things we do for her is a gigantic win. An even larger triumph is that she recognizes and cherishes our prayers for her. This goes perfectly with the wise but simple words of my husband during last night's class, "we can't be perfect parents, but we can all be praying parents."
Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.~Deuteronomy 4:9