When you feel down....watch a 2 year old ;)

This week has been full of one trial after another. I can tell things are really getting to me when I find myself laying in bed at night over thinking every situation...."is this the Holy Spirit convicting me or is it the devil butting in to discourage me?" BLAH! I hate getting caught up in that conversation with myself, lol. Either way, I find more errors in my ways and start praying more diligently for God to let me see my faults clearer instead of being appalled by other's wrong doings. Praying also for Him to give me the wisdom to correct my own thoughts before they turn into actions and actually hurt someone else or blemish my own character in someone elses eyes. I know it's wrong for me to care what others think of me but it's an issue I'm working on since my heart yearns to please everyone... instead of just God. Here lately I've probably upset a few people by trying to take on different projects, and do them my way.

As much as I'm driven to help out here, there an everywhere, I'm starting to feel like instead of having my hand in a little bit of everything...maybe, just maybe, I should just have both of my hands up in the air cheering others on. Let's face it everyone needs a cheerleader or a support system in their lives or even just a quiet pat on the back once and a while. This is something I can definitely do and not be embarrassed by having to be right out in front of everyone.....it's right up my alley! Nothing embarrases me more than to have to speak or have my name said aloud for even a small group of people to hear. Quite frankly when someone does, I want to crawl into hole and hide. A few weeks ago I left from helping my husband teach his youth Sunday school class to take more of a back seat role in a ladies class. Let me tell ya it's been more of a blessing than I could've expected. I get to sit back and just listen...and learn from women who are much more mature in their Christian walk than I am. I feel so thankful that God used my insecurity to lead me to this group of ladies.

As one problem after another presented itself this week I felt myself feeling sicker to my stomach each day. I'm not necessarily a worrier but when things go wrong naturally I have a hard time going on as if nothing was wrong. My mind drifted to think of each of the ladies in my Sunday school class and also their prayer requests for the trials they're currently dealing with. It's awesome to see the diverse ways that each of us cope throughout our individual struggles. Normally by Thursday after having such an crazy week I would be ready to completely shut down and hide out with Chad and the kids for a few days at home inorder to block out the rest of the world. But....last Sunday I was asked if I could watch my 2 year old nephew each day this week while his mom was working. Ofcourse I jumped at the opportunity! Everytime I started feeling down, discouraged and even upset in the tiniest bit he would do or say the most precious thing possible. No matter what the devil tried to throw at me this week God sent me blessing after blessing not to mention smiles through a 2 year old. Now that it's Thursday I've lost count of all the "Wow God" moments I've had this week, how awesome is that?! You know we all those weeks when nothing goes right but isn't it great to know that God can make it all better with the simplest thing if we are willing to see past ourselves?

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26

Bittersweet

I'm convinced it all began long before Braeden was even born, his love for Christ that is. I feel like I never stopped praying the entire time I was pregnant with him. After losing our first baby at the end of my first trimester I was scared to the core of losing another child.... especially when I was having all the same symptoms I had in the first pregnancy. Finally his due date came... and then went. The next Thursday my Doctor agreed that they should induce. So that night Chad and I went to the hospital relieved that our baby boy would finally be in our arms by the next day. Ha! That's just what we thought. Even with the pitocin the contractions were not enough to put me into labor. Friday and Saturday went by dreadfully slow, as did Sunday morning. Sometime after lunch I was napping when I woke to find our pastor, Brother Buddy there. He had heard about me being in the hospital and wanted to come to offer his support and best of all, his prayers. Before he left everyone gathered around me as we all bowed our heads as he prayed for God to please protect Braeden and I during my delivery and for God to please allow me to have Braeden soon. Within 30 minutes after he left I could tell it was time. Finally. Braeden Hunter came in to this world at a healthy 7 pounds 7 ounces which was big for me seeing how I only weighed 85 pounds myself when I got pregnant with him. We were even able to go home the very next day. I was thrilled that Braeden was finally here especially because the next Sunday was Easter and this meant I was going to get to go shopping for my baby's first Easter outfit for church!

So, since he was a whole 7 days old he has been listening to The Word of God. Of course being my first child, I wasn't willing to leave him in the nursery during church...months and even years down the road. Braeden would sit and listen intently even as he colored in the notebook we brought for him each week. When Braeden was about 2 years old he had nearly filled another notebook so Chad and I started thumbing through it adoring the sweet pictures he was drawing when we came across several stick figures with sad faces clearly drawn on crosses with details such as fingers and red crayon colored on the hands and feet of each. Chad asked Braeden who the pictures were of and without any hesitation and said,"it's Jesus Daddy." We were amazed by detail a toddler had put in to these drawings and quite frankly it absolutely melted our hearts that our baby already knew the existence of Jesus.

Time and time again people would stop us and tell us how special of a little boy Braeden was and of course each time Brother Buddy would be around he would always say "well there's my boy! He's gonna be a preacher one day I tell ya!" At a Sunday evening service in October of 2004 during the invitation Braeden looked up at us and said I need to go up there because I want Jesus in my heart. So we went. Braeden confidently walked up to Brother Buddy and told him that he wanted to ask Jesus into his heart. He asked Chad how old Braeden was now and Chad let him know that he had turned 4 in April. He was hesitant and responded that it was very rare that a child so young would grasp the concept of God's saving grace. He asked if we would be comfortable with waiting a bit to feel Braeden out before moving any further with him that night and we agreed it was fine. The next week we were at some friends of ours house who also had a 4 year old son. Chad and his friend were outside in the back yard practicing shooting their bows at a target when we over heard the little boy telling Braeden how he was feeling sad about having to go back and forth between his mom and step dad's house and his dad's house. Chad and I both froze when we heard Braeden as he explained that he should just pray to Jesus to make everything better for him then if he asked Jesus into his heart he would always have Jesus to talk to and help him because he died on the cross for them. At the tender age of 4 years old Braeden was spreading the love of Jesus! The next Sunday we practically ran up the aisle once the invitation began to tell Brother Buddy about how Braeden was witnessing to his friends. Brother Buddy told us without a doubt he was indeed ready to pray and ask Jesus to come into his enormous little heart. Braeden was baptized during the evening service on Sunday, November 14, 2004.

Still to this day we have people we know and even more often, perfect strangers come up to Chad or I and tell us that there is something "different" about Braeden. A lady probably in her fifties sought me out after a funeral we had attended because she said she had been drawn to Braeden. She told me that God wanted her to tell me that he had bigger plans for Braeden than I could ever imagine for my child and that one day he would lead many people to the Lord. I instantly felt a chill run through my body and tears started building in my eyes. I explained that something like that would not surprise me one bit and thanked her for being brave enough to approach me, as a stranger to tell me what she had. She gave me a hug before she turned to go outside and we didn't see her again. During the ride home I cried as I told Chad and Braeden about the things the lady said to me. Braeden just smiled, laughed a little and said,"man, I guess I'm not gonna play football in the NFL then."

In 2009, which was Braeden's 4th grade year he struggled daily with math so I called up to the high school and asked if they could recommend someone to tutor Braeden. The next day I received a call from the high school's office letting me know they had a student willing to work with him. We set up a time to meet at the library following Tuesday. The first day Braeden walked into the high school library and Courtney was sitting there you could his face blush instantly. Here was this gorgeous high school cheerleader with long blonde hair and she was going to be helping him two times a weeks with his math. I usually stayed in the library at a different table reading or helping Chloe with her homework while Courtney was helping Braeden. Over time you see Braeden getting more comfortable with her and a friendship in the making. Courtney was and still is a God's girl and you can see it all over her and in everything she does. She was definitely Heaven sent, an amazing example for Braeden of a teenager who didn't let the normal high school temptations corrupt her beliefs. The year after Courtney graduated she text Braeden and let him know that she would be coming home at the beginning of the summer to hold a car wash to earn money for a mission trip she would be going on in the Panama Jungle. Braeden started texting everyone he knew letting them know about the car wash then asked if we had plans for that Saturday because he wanted to go help Courtney wash cars. On Saturday morning he was up and at'em ready to go help. We dropped him off about 9 a.m. and let him and Courtney know we'd be back around 1 to get him. Chad and I had some errands to run in town that day so we drove by the car wash a couple times and seen Braeden busy, washing cars with a huge smile on his face. Can you imagine what a smile it brings to a parent's heart to see their pre-teen joyfully working for God? When we picked Braeden up that afternoon he talked non stop about everything Courtney would be doing and how he couldn't wait to be an adult so that he could go on mission trips also.

Several times this year either at church or just visiting with friends, mission work has been brought up and every time you can see Braeden's face light up. Saturday, October 1 was no different. We were at the youth rally held on the first Saturday of each month when a girl from one of the other churches let everyone know that she would be going on a mission trip to Romania next year. We no sooner got in the car that night to come home when Braeden asked how she was going on a mission trip and she wasn't much older than he was. We weren't quite sure so we suggested if he wanted to find out that we felt sure Courtney would be able to help him. He text her right away and she let him know that she was working for Global Expeditions, and that's what they do, set up mission trips all over the world. She wasn't sure about Braeden's age so she told him she would let him know as soon as she could. The next morning at church Braeden was quieter than usual, you could tell there was something on his mind. During the time of invitation at the end of the church service Braeden made his way past his Dad and I with tears in his eyes up to the alter where he knelt in prayer. Chad, myself, Chloe and several other members of his youth group came to kneel and pray with him that morning. It was obvious something was happening in my baby's heart. When he stood to go back to his seat there were no words spoken between any of us...just hugs. As soon as we were in the car he asked Chad to please hand him his cell phone so he could text Courtney. By the time we were back at the church for Sunday afternoon Bible study, Braeden was an entirely different child with a huge smile on his face racing from person to person telling them that he had made the decision to go on a mission trip with his friend Courtney to the Panama Jungle during the next summer. I'm sure he either called or text every single contact in his phone that evening so he could tell them "good news" as he called it, that he was going to be a missionary.

As soon as Braeden jumped in the car on Monday after school he was texting Courtney again to find out what all he needed to do to get everything started. We waited to hear back about the age exception application and a little over a week and a half went by when we found out that they would allow Braeden to go even though he was so young. On Tuesday night while Chad was in class and Chloe was busy reading, Braeden and I sat down once again to finish and submit his final application for the trip. Finally it was done and we figured it would take a few days to hear any news back. When Chad got home that night he said that while he was in class someone from Global Expeditions had called and left a message on his phone saying they needed to speak to Braeden. With it being almost 10 at night we thought it was best that he just wait until after school the next day to return the call. Braeden anxiously called when he came home from school this afternoon. You could tell he was nervous with his quiet voice shaking as he talked to the representative. They asked to speak to me to verify Braeden had his parent's permission to go on the trip so I confirmed and they politely asked to speak again to Braeden. By the end of the conversation it was all complete and his application was confirmed, Braeden, my 11 year blessing from God, would be going on a mission trip in the Panama Jungle for the entire month of June and part of July in 2012.....wow!

Just today, I was nauseated as I seen the picture of the Christians burned in Nigeria. Am I scared for Braeden?...yes. Am I worried?...no, I have faith beyond faith that God will have Braeden and the others going with him in His hands protecting them. Now when the time comes for him to leave it'll be such a bittersweet moment. So proud to see the man he is becoming but sad that it's come so early and will be taking him away from me for a month. Just as much as I know God will take care of Braeden during that time, I know he will also take care of me.

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.~Matthew 5:16

Getting caught up

Since deciding to begin with a couple older blogs that I had wrote, I should probably update a little since the first blog I had posted was in February of 2010 when Chad was so sick. That was such a miserable time for us not knowing what was wrong with him and why he couldn't walk or even sit up on his own. He was in constant pain from being flat on his back for months and of course sick from all the nausea. After seeing several neurologists, ENT's and internal specialists and having test after test ran on Chad we finally were blessed with a diagnosis that Chad has Meniere's Disease. This can be a debilitating disease, and it in fact was for Chad for 3 months. It is a disease that attacks your inner ear so of course your balance and equilibrium are affected. By the time Chad was diagnosed, some major damage had been done to his hearing. He was barely left with 5% of hearing in his right ear. We were told at the time that even with a hearing aid he would never be able to hear out of that ear again. After learning about things that trigger Meniere's attacks, including sodium, caffeine, stress & allergies we had a lot of changing to do in our diet and lifestyle to get Chad back to being healthy again. Before the disease hit him he was a healthy 200 pounds and by the time of diagnosis in late March of 2010 he weighed only 160 pounds. They also put him on medication to help flush the sodium from his system which he is still on today to help prevent another severe attack from happening. Right before Chad got sick he had taken a new position in his company where he would have to go out to oilfield locations to do jobs. This of course took him away from our family. He would leave the house about 4am and come home most nights after 8pm. We justified it by the large raise he was getting by taking this job. While Chad struggled emotionally with being stuck in bed day after day for months not being able to work to provide for our family, I could see him struggling spiritually as well. Of course the kids were confused and upset  because their Daddy wasn't able to do anything at all, so one night we all sat down and read the book of Job. It helped us all to not feel so bad or even forgotten about. From then on, we praised God for allowing Chad to have had the good paying job that he had the month before he had gotten sick because that alone carried us through those 3 months financially. We also praised Him for allowing me to be home to take care of Chad. One day while the kids were at school and I had gotten Chad comfortable on the couch in the living room, I was doing my normal daily cleaning around the house and Chad asked if I would come sit and talk with him for a little bit. He began to cry while telling me about how he felt he had forced himself into the new job and all the while he had felt the Holy Spirit telling him it wasn't such a great idea for him to be away from his family. He told me he felt like God was urging him to be more involved in our new church, something more than the pre-school Sunday school teacher he had been in the early years of our marriage. I told him he should definitely let our Pastor know his feelings and pray about it.  Ironically, Brother John, text me one afternoon a few days later asking if there was any possible way I could get Chad to church the next Sunday afternoon because they were wanting to have him there while they lifted him up in prayer. On Sunday when church was over I gathered up the kids from running around the church yard with their friends as usual. We picked up something for lunch then went home to start getting Chad dressed and ready to go up to the church. There was a small group of people there that afternoon to pray for Chad. I know it had to have touched his heart just as much as it did mine to have others praying for not only a diagnosis but also healing for him. Once people were filing out heading home for the evening Chad was able to speak with Brother John about the pull he had been feeling on his heart. By the time we left late that afternoon, Chad had a sparkle in his eye and was moving just a tad faster than he had been, as he carried out the packet of Teen Sunday School material to the car. On the way home he explained that apparently the Pastor and his family had been praying  for it to be placed on some one's heart to work with the youth and they felt that Chad was perfect for the Youth Pastor position. Chad felt the burden on his heart had been lifted and he once again not only had a purpose in life but also felt like he was one step closer to being back to doing things according to God's will instead of his own.  A couple weeks went by and finally we received a call with Chad's diagnosis and treatment plan and within no time he was feeling much better. Chad still has quarterly checkups for his Meniere's Disease to see if it has progressed or staying about the the same. Earlier this year we were called in to the audiologists office to hear some amazing news about a new hearing aid that might possibly help Chad. We were quickly discouraged once we found out the price was nearly $4,000.00. The lady was more than helpful and gave us a brochure on the D.A.R.S. group (Department of Assistive & Rehabilitative Services) and explained we should contact them since Chad was still employed and that they may be able to fund the hearing aid for him. In June they approved Chad for the hearing aid at no cost and in September Chad received the hearing aid and 80% of his hearing back, Praise the Lord!

Teach me to do Your will, For You are my God; Your spirit is good. Lead me in the land of uprightness. ~Psalm 143:10